Thursday, March 8, 2012
a year later!
OK BLOG
IT'S BEEN A HECK OF A YEAR! THE LAST I POSTED I WAS STILL PREGNANT. I HAD MY BABY GIRL OCTOBER 24,2011 AT 7:11PM. SHE WEIGHED 5 LBS 9 OZ AND WAS 18 INCHES LONG. SHE'S THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME. THINGS GOT VERY COMPLICATED AFTER SHE WAS BORN. MY MARRIAGE ENDED AND I WILL NOT EVER TALK ABOUT THAT ON THIS BLOG.I WISH THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT BUT, THAT'S LIFE. MY BABY AMALIEA IS 4 MONTHS OLD NOW AND WEIGHS A WHOPPING 13 POUNDS. SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY I HAVE EVER LAID MY EYES ON.I AM VERY THANKFUL I HAVE THE BEST FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND GIRL CAN HAVE. I MOVED BACK TO VACAVILLE AND HAVE A LOT OF HELP.THAT'S BASICALLY LIFE AS OF NOW. TRYING TO GET BACK ON MY FEET AND STAYING POSITIVE. YESTERDAY MARKED THE YEAR ANNIVERSARY I STARTED MY PROTON RADIATION TREATMENT. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ONLY BEEN A YEAR. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. I AM STILL TUMOR FREE I JUST HAD AN MRI A FEW WEEKS AGO. SO THATS THAT. I'LL POST SOME PICTURES OF MY BABY.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Dear blog,
I have neglected you for a good 3 months and that's horrible.The last time I wrote to you I was still undergoing radiation.I graduated from that and have moved on with my life. I am still so appreciate of everybody who came to visit me while down there and the people who sent me stuff or e mailed, facebooked, skyped,text me. The day after I came home was Jeremy's birthday. It was a hard time recovering and still finding bald spots on my head but I made it. What is weird is that one of the effects from the radiation is UTI. I have never had one before so about a month and a half after I was home I started feeling weird like something wasn't right. Went to the dr they checked my urine and they said I indeed had a UTI. Took medicine for it and about a week and a half later I still had these symptoms. I felt a hard lump in my lower abs and thought to myself what the heck is that?! Am i dying? Do I have cervical cancer? I only thought that because I was watching Dr. Oz one day and they were talking about that and I thought I had the same symptoms. So I wanted to rule out pregnancy so Jeremy went and bought me a test and I took it and it immediately showed pregnant. I freaked out and took the other test that popped up pregnant right away. I started crying because I wasn't sure how to feel or if I was even pregnant or if it was the medicine I took or from the radiation. I was so confused. So the next day Jeremy took me to the Dr, where they indeed told me I was pregnant. I felt so overwhelmed and so shocked I was also so scared. They did an ultra sound and we found out I was 20 weeks along. How nobody didn't catch it I don't know. I was so scared to find out if she had any health issues from being inside me during radiation! I felt like such a horrible person for not knowing. The ultra sound came back perfect. There didn't appear to be anything wrong. BTW they told me that same day that it is a girl. So that made me happy :) I am considered a high risk pregnancy so I go to the Dr. almost every week to see how i'm doing. They refereed me to Sutter in Vacaville and I also have a specialist Dr. on Thursday to do an in depth ultra sound to make sure 100% that she doesn't have any birth defects or anything like that. So that's how life has been lately. crazy
I have neglected you for a good 3 months and that's horrible.The last time I wrote to you I was still undergoing radiation.I graduated from that and have moved on with my life. I am still so appreciate of everybody who came to visit me while down there and the people who sent me stuff or e mailed, facebooked, skyped,text me. The day after I came home was Jeremy's birthday. It was a hard time recovering and still finding bald spots on my head but I made it. What is weird is that one of the effects from the radiation is UTI. I have never had one before so about a month and a half after I was home I started feeling weird like something wasn't right. Went to the dr they checked my urine and they said I indeed had a UTI. Took medicine for it and about a week and a half later I still had these symptoms. I felt a hard lump in my lower abs and thought to myself what the heck is that?! Am i dying? Do I have cervical cancer? I only thought that because I was watching Dr. Oz one day and they were talking about that and I thought I had the same symptoms. So I wanted to rule out pregnancy so Jeremy went and bought me a test and I took it and it immediately showed pregnant. I freaked out and took the other test that popped up pregnant right away. I started crying because I wasn't sure how to feel or if I was even pregnant or if it was the medicine I took or from the radiation. I was so confused. So the next day Jeremy took me to the Dr, where they indeed told me I was pregnant. I felt so overwhelmed and so shocked I was also so scared. They did an ultra sound and we found out I was 20 weeks along. How nobody didn't catch it I don't know. I was so scared to find out if she had any health issues from being inside me during radiation! I felt like such a horrible person for not knowing. The ultra sound came back perfect. There didn't appear to be anything wrong. BTW they told me that same day that it is a girl. So that made me happy :) I am considered a high risk pregnancy so I go to the Dr. almost every week to see how i'm doing. They refereed me to Sutter in Vacaville and I also have a specialist Dr. on Thursday to do an in depth ultra sound to make sure 100% that she doesn't have any birth defects or anything like that. So that's how life has been lately. crazy
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Hi Blog !!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Hello Blog
I am 16 days into my treatment. I have about 28 more days to go until I am done.Last week was really hard for me. I just felt so alone and sad and sick. SO SICK. It was hard for me to get out of bed every morning and go about the day. After treatments I would just come home, cry and self loath. But not anymore! In 2 weeks I start a new machine and the count down to the end of this starts. I am so beyond excited. I just want to thank everybody who text or called me and let me just vent to them. You really realize who is there for you, and who is there when it's convenient for them. So thank you :) Last night when I washed my hair I realized I'm losing my hair! Well good thing I have a lot of it so nobody can tell yet. I should expect to lose more the Dr told me. It will grow back though.Anyways no more rambling. I can't wait for April!! I'll have someone here every weekend and I am so excited. peace out blog.
I am 16 days into my treatment. I have about 28 more days to go until I am done.Last week was really hard for me. I just felt so alone and sad and sick. SO SICK. It was hard for me to get out of bed every morning and go about the day. After treatments I would just come home, cry and self loath. But not anymore! In 2 weeks I start a new machine and the count down to the end of this starts. I am so beyond excited. I just want to thank everybody who text or called me and let me just vent to them. You really realize who is there for you, and who is there when it's convenient for them. So thank you :) Last night when I washed my hair I realized I'm losing my hair! Well good thing I have a lot of it so nobody can tell yet. I should expect to lose more the Dr told me. It will grow back though.Anyways no more rambling. I can't wait for April!! I'll have someone here every weekend and I am so excited. peace out blog.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Dear Blog..
I am here in Loma Linda. Southern California is the best. It's been warm and sunny ever since Daniella and I got here on sunday. Yesterday it reached a lovely 90 degrees. I am in love with this weather. So, this whole Proton therapy process is trying to kick my butt, but I wont let it! Let me start from Monday, yes this is going to be another ramble. Monday was probably the scariest day. The first day where I had to make sure my mask fit properly and everything lines up perfectly. It's insane how smart these people are who do the radiation. The pillow(which was as big as my hand and as hard as a rock) was the most painful part of the whole situation. My forehead and face was pinned down so I cannot move an inch which sorta freaked me out and I almost had a panic attack but I told myself to stop and just get over it. They lift the table about 6 feet off the ground and they have to rotate it twice. It's a weird feeling. The whole process on Monday took about 40 minutes because if was all X-Rays. Tuesday was the first day of radiation. Emotionally the hardest day so far. Dani and myself went to the new patient orientation and I couldn't even make it through without crying. It just hurts my heart to see people in pain. Mostly everybody that gets radiation here are older men with prostate cancer, so they have their wives with them who are so supportive and you can tell they are so strong and so in love. Everybody had to go around and tell their story and the one that killed me was a lady who had a chardoma in her spine! But 15 years before she had breast cancer. It just made me sad so when it was my time to tell my story all I could get out was my name and my sisters name. Then Dani had to talk for me. I had to leave the meeting early to start my first treatment. This was also painful because of the pillow i have to lay my head on. It took almost an hour but my head was killing me. I almost couldn't handle it but I pushed through it. Later that night was ZUMBA. how I love zumba !! I have a free membership to the gym right down the street which i intend to use as often as possible. The treatments now are better. Just short and simple and non painful. But emotionally it's tough. You can say all you want that "it's just radiation and you'll be fine" but it's so much more than that. It takes an emotional toll on you. It drains you and exhausts you and makes you sick, but you have to just push past that. There have been so many more times this week I have wanted to cry because I miss everyone back home and it sucks going through this especially without my husband, but I am healthy I am going to get through this it's just a process. I am very thankful the university has the most compassionant people. Anyways Zumba was tonight which was a blast !! and we went to a farmers market which was so fun!! lots of citrus I got pink lemons and regular lemons so I can put them in my water :) My mom dad and niece Mackenzie will be here next week and I am so excited I can't stand it! I just miss everyone :( I'll update again soon.
I am here in Loma Linda. Southern California is the best. It's been warm and sunny ever since Daniella and I got here on sunday. Yesterday it reached a lovely 90 degrees. I am in love with this weather. So, this whole Proton therapy process is trying to kick my butt, but I wont let it! Let me start from Monday, yes this is going to be another ramble. Monday was probably the scariest day. The first day where I had to make sure my mask fit properly and everything lines up perfectly. It's insane how smart these people are who do the radiation. The pillow(which was as big as my hand and as hard as a rock) was the most painful part of the whole situation. My forehead and face was pinned down so I cannot move an inch which sorta freaked me out and I almost had a panic attack but I told myself to stop and just get over it. They lift the table about 6 feet off the ground and they have to rotate it twice. It's a weird feeling. The whole process on Monday took about 40 minutes because if was all X-Rays. Tuesday was the first day of radiation. Emotionally the hardest day so far. Dani and myself went to the new patient orientation and I couldn't even make it through without crying. It just hurts my heart to see people in pain. Mostly everybody that gets radiation here are older men with prostate cancer, so they have their wives with them who are so supportive and you can tell they are so strong and so in love. Everybody had to go around and tell their story and the one that killed me was a lady who had a chardoma in her spine! But 15 years before she had breast cancer. It just made me sad so when it was my time to tell my story all I could get out was my name and my sisters name. Then Dani had to talk for me. I had to leave the meeting early to start my first treatment. This was also painful because of the pillow i have to lay my head on. It took almost an hour but my head was killing me. I almost couldn't handle it but I pushed through it. Later that night was ZUMBA. how I love zumba !! I have a free membership to the gym right down the street which i intend to use as often as possible. The treatments now are better. Just short and simple and non painful. But emotionally it's tough. You can say all you want that "it's just radiation and you'll be fine" but it's so much more than that. It takes an emotional toll on you. It drains you and exhausts you and makes you sick, but you have to just push past that. There have been so many more times this week I have wanted to cry because I miss everyone back home and it sucks going through this especially without my husband, but I am healthy I am going to get through this it's just a process. I am very thankful the university has the most compassionant people. Anyways Zumba was tonight which was a blast !! and we went to a farmers market which was so fun!! lots of citrus I got pink lemons and regular lemons so I can put them in my water :) My mom dad and niece Mackenzie will be here next week and I am so excited I can't stand it! I just miss everyone :( I'll update again soon.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Love Life
Friday, January 21, 2011
No Title
Dear Blog,
I have been so stressed out the past few days. The reason(s) behind the stress is dealing with insurance and people who cannot give me a straight answer. I wont ramble on about everything but I will just let you know that I will be in SUNNY/WARM Loma Linda on the 3rd and 4th of February to get an MRI and have a consultation with the Dr. I need to see. It has been really hard dealing with all of the confusion and the unknown due to my cell phone service, so my amazing mother had to take care of basically everything but I would call her whenever I actually had reception. We need a land line asap ! After the visit it could take up to 4-6 weeks to actually have a set date on when I would head down there for...TWO AND A HALF MONTHS !! But I am just ready to get this over with and move on with my life. They would probably take me earlier if they see my tumor has grown back, which I hope it hasn't. But if it has I would be on top of the priority list. I'm stressed about this and everything else going on. Wedding is in 22 days and I feel like I am ready but not. Anyways Blog, I am scared of the whole procedure of laying perfectly still while protons are being plunged into my freakin brain but I have to just be a trooper and deal with it. Well it's the weekend now. Talan has his first soccer practice tomorrow that I am for sure going to ! I am super excited because I love soccer and watching little kids play is so hilarious. I hope everybody has an amazing weekend and I will try to be less stressed.
I have been so stressed out the past few days. The reason(s) behind the stress is dealing with insurance and people who cannot give me a straight answer. I wont ramble on about everything but I will just let you know that I will be in SUNNY/WARM Loma Linda on the 3rd and 4th of February to get an MRI and have a consultation with the Dr. I need to see. It has been really hard dealing with all of the confusion and the unknown due to my cell phone service, so my amazing mother had to take care of basically everything but I would call her whenever I actually had reception. We need a land line asap ! After the visit it could take up to 4-6 weeks to actually have a set date on when I would head down there for...TWO AND A HALF MONTHS !! But I am just ready to get this over with and move on with my life. They would probably take me earlier if they see my tumor has grown back, which I hope it hasn't. But if it has I would be on top of the priority list. I'm stressed about this and everything else going on. Wedding is in 22 days and I feel like I am ready but not. Anyways Blog, I am scared of the whole procedure of laying perfectly still while protons are being plunged into my freakin brain but I have to just be a trooper and deal with it. Well it's the weekend now. Talan has his first soccer practice tomorrow that I am for sure going to ! I am super excited because I love soccer and watching little kids play is so hilarious. I hope everybody has an amazing weekend and I will try to be less stressed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)