Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dear Blog..

I am here in Loma Linda. Southern California is the best. It's been warm and sunny ever since Daniella and I got here on sunday. Yesterday it reached a lovely 90 degrees. I am in love with this weather. So, this whole Proton therapy process is trying to kick my butt, but I wont let it! Let me start from Monday, yes this is going to be another ramble. Monday was probably the scariest day. The first day where I had to make sure my mask fit properly and everything lines up perfectly. It's insane how smart these people are who do the radiation. The pillow(which was as big as my hand and as hard as a rock) was the most painful part of the whole situation. My forehead and face was pinned down so I cannot move an inch which sorta freaked me out and I almost had a panic attack but I told myself to stop and just get over it. They lift the table about 6 feet off the ground and they have to rotate it twice. It's a weird feeling. The whole process on Monday took about 40 minutes because if was all X-Rays. Tuesday was the first day of radiation. Emotionally the hardest day so far. Dani and myself went to the new patient orientation and I couldn't even make it through without crying. It just hurts my heart to see people in pain. Mostly everybody that gets radiation here are older men with prostate cancer, so they have their wives with them who are so supportive and you can tell they are so strong and so in love. Everybody had to go around and tell their story and the one that killed me was a lady who had a chardoma in her spine! But 15 years before she had breast cancer. It just made me sad so when it was my time to tell my story all I could get out was my name and my sisters name. Then Dani had to talk for me. I had to leave the meeting early to start my first treatment. This was also painful because of the pillow i have to lay my head on. It took almost an hour but my head was killing me. I almost couldn't handle it but I pushed through it. Later that night was ZUMBA. how I love zumba !! I have a free membership to the gym right down the street which i intend to use as often as possible. The treatments now are better. Just short and simple and non painful. But emotionally it's tough. You can say all you want that "it's just radiation and you'll be fine" but it's so much more than that. It takes an emotional toll on you. It drains you and exhausts you and makes you sick, but you have to just push past that. There have been so many more times this week I have wanted to cry because I miss everyone back home and it sucks going through this especially without my husband, but I am healthy I am going to get through this it's just a process. I am very thankful the university has the most compassionant people. Anyways Zumba was tonight which was a blast !! and we went to a farmers market which was so fun!! lots of citrus I got pink lemons and regular lemons so I can put them in my water :) My mom dad and niece Mackenzie will be here next week and I am so excited I can't stand it! I just miss everyone :( I'll update again soon. 

1 comment:

  1. I will send you a new pillow! And I can't believe you go to Zumba after radiation.. cray cray. Anyway girl, I love you, just keep pushing along! And set up your skype account! xoxo