Monday, July 11, 2011

Dear blog,
I have neglected you for a good 3 months and that's horrible.The last time I wrote to you I was still undergoing radiation.I graduated from that and have moved on with my life. I am still so appreciate of everybody who came to visit me while down there and the people who sent me stuff or e mailed, facebooked, skyped,text me. The day after I came home was Jeremy's birthday. It was a hard time recovering and still finding bald spots on my head but I made it. What is weird is that one of the effects from the radiation is UTI. I have never had one before so about a month and a half after I was home I started feeling weird like something wasn't right. Went to the dr they checked my urine and they said I indeed had a UTI. Took medicine for it and about a week and a half later I still had these symptoms. I felt a hard lump in my lower abs and thought to myself what the heck is that?! Am i dying? Do I have cervical cancer? I only thought that because I was watching Dr. Oz one day and they were talking about that and I thought I had the same symptoms. So I wanted to rule out pregnancy so Jeremy went and bought me a test and I took it and it immediately showed pregnant. I freaked out and took the other test that popped up pregnant right away. I started crying because I wasn't sure how to feel or if I was even pregnant or if it was the medicine I took or from the radiation. I was so confused. So the next day Jeremy took me to the Dr, where they indeed told me I was pregnant. I felt so overwhelmed and so shocked I was also so scared. They did an ultra sound and we found out I was 20 weeks along. How nobody didn't catch it I don't know. I was so scared to find out if she had any health issues from being inside me during radiation! I felt like such a horrible person for not knowing. The ultra sound came back perfect. There didn't appear to be anything wrong. BTW they told me that same day that it is a girl. So that made me happy :) I am considered a high risk pregnancy so I go to the Dr. almost every week to see how i'm doing. They refereed me to Sutter in Vacaville and I also have a specialist Dr. on Thursday to do an in depth ultra sound to make sure 100% that she doesn't have any birth defects or anything like that. So that's how life has been lately. crazy

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hi Blog !!

I can't even begin to explain how homesick I have been. I know I'm not even far from home, but when you're alone all the time and there's nobody physically here to talk to or hang out with it gets really, really lonely. Which is why my amazing mom got me a plane ticket to come home this weekend! I can't wait to see Jeremy. I miss him so so so so so sooooooo much !!! I also can't wait to see Talan and Mackenzie. They are so excited I am coming home to see them. Also to see my family and some very special friends :) Today I met a little 4 year old baby girl with cancer, but besides her not having any hair you would have never known she was sick. She is so full of life and she's so freakin adorable!! I wanted to take her home with me. Her mom told me this is her 2nd time going through proton radiation. I can't even imagine how it effects that baby because I know it messes me up BAD. She made my day though. She was just perfect. I am done with treatment May 3rd and it can't come soon enough. Any who, being here has made me feel more blessed and more appreciative of everything and everyone.I have to go now so I can pack and get ready for tomorrow. I am so excited I can't even contain myself! Bye Blog

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hello Blog

I am 16 days into my treatment. I have about 28 more days to go until I am done.Last week was really hard for me. I just felt so alone and sad and sick. SO SICK. It was hard for me to get out of bed every morning and go about the day. After treatments I would just come home, cry and self loath. But not anymore! In 2 weeks I start a new machine and the count down to the end of this starts. I am so beyond excited. I just want to thank everybody who text or called me and let me just vent to them. You really realize who is there for you, and who is there when it's convenient for them. So thank you :)  Last night when I washed my hair I realized I'm losing my hair! Well good thing I have a lot of it so nobody can tell yet. I should expect to lose more the Dr told me. It will grow back though.Anyways no more rambling. I can't wait for April!! I'll have someone here every weekend and I am so excited. peace out blog.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dear Blog..

I am here in Loma Linda. Southern California is the best. It's been warm and sunny ever since Daniella and I got here on sunday. Yesterday it reached a lovely 90 degrees. I am in love with this weather. So, this whole Proton therapy process is trying to kick my butt, but I wont let it! Let me start from Monday, yes this is going to be another ramble. Monday was probably the scariest day. The first day where I had to make sure my mask fit properly and everything lines up perfectly. It's insane how smart these people are who do the radiation. The pillow(which was as big as my hand and as hard as a rock) was the most painful part of the whole situation. My forehead and face was pinned down so I cannot move an inch which sorta freaked me out and I almost had a panic attack but I told myself to stop and just get over it. They lift the table about 6 feet off the ground and they have to rotate it twice. It's a weird feeling. The whole process on Monday took about 40 minutes because if was all X-Rays. Tuesday was the first day of radiation. Emotionally the hardest day so far. Dani and myself went to the new patient orientation and I couldn't even make it through without crying. It just hurts my heart to see people in pain. Mostly everybody that gets radiation here are older men with prostate cancer, so they have their wives with them who are so supportive and you can tell they are so strong and so in love. Everybody had to go around and tell their story and the one that killed me was a lady who had a chardoma in her spine! But 15 years before she had breast cancer. It just made me sad so when it was my time to tell my story all I could get out was my name and my sisters name. Then Dani had to talk for me. I had to leave the meeting early to start my first treatment. This was also painful because of the pillow i have to lay my head on. It took almost an hour but my head was killing me. I almost couldn't handle it but I pushed through it. Later that night was ZUMBA. how I love zumba !! I have a free membership to the gym right down the street which i intend to use as often as possible. The treatments now are better. Just short and simple and non painful. But emotionally it's tough. You can say all you want that "it's just radiation and you'll be fine" but it's so much more than that. It takes an emotional toll on you. It drains you and exhausts you and makes you sick, but you have to just push past that. There have been so many more times this week I have wanted to cry because I miss everyone back home and it sucks going through this especially without my husband, but I am healthy I am going to get through this it's just a process. I am very thankful the university has the most compassionant people. Anyways Zumba was tonight which was a blast !! and we went to a farmers market which was so fun!! lots of citrus I got pink lemons and regular lemons so I can put them in my water :) My mom dad and niece Mackenzie will be here next week and I am so excited I can't stand it! I just miss everyone :( I'll update again soon. 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Love Life

Blog, I have  been neglecting you and I am super sorry. I'll recap the last couple of weeks. Headed down to Loma Linda about the proton radiation, I will find out later this week or next when I will be starting my treatment.Saturday was the BIG day. Wedding day. I want to say everything that day was perfect, but it wasn't. My biggest complaint about the whole day was the (almost)most important part, THE MUSIC !!! The DJ'S bored my crowed to death. I was so upset when we kept going to the booth to tell them to play the music I HAD TO DOWNLOAD AND BURN TO CD'S for them since they didn't have any of the music I wanted to listen to. So I took the time out of my schedule to do that to have fun music to dance to. SO to whoever attended and was bored by the music I am so sorry. I was so upset and when almost everyone left they started playing the good music, even then it still wasn't what I wanted to dance to. But whatever. Sergio and Stephanie Perez (the photographers) are amazing. I can't wait to see the pictures from the rehersal and the wedding !! My family helped me SO much with everything I needed along with my two best friends Candice and Darci. My 2nd parents Eric and Andrea Taylor were amazing and helped a bunch too !The groomsmen were so very handsome too and helped Jeremy out a lot. I was just very nervous, but very happy. Kamdin Gavin Talan and Mackenzie were so funny. I'll do a picture blog when I get the copies but until then I'll leave you with just a couple.. Bye Blog

Friday, January 21, 2011

No Title

Dear Blog,

I have been so stressed out the past few days. The reason(s) behind the stress is dealing with insurance and people who cannot give me a straight answer. I wont ramble on about everything but I will just let you know that I will be in SUNNY/WARM Loma Linda on the 3rd and 4th of February to get an MRI and have a consultation with the Dr. I need to see. It has been really hard dealing with all of the confusion and the unknown due to my cell phone service, so my amazing mother had to take care of basically everything but I would call her whenever I actually had reception. We need a land line asap ! After the visit it could take up to 4-6 weeks to actually have a set date on when I would head down there for...TWO AND A HALF MONTHS !! But I am just ready to get this over with and move on with my life. They would probably take me earlier if they see my tumor has grown back, which I hope it hasn't. But if it has I would be on top of the priority list. I'm stressed about this and everything else going on. Wedding is in 22 days and I feel like I am ready but not. Anyways Blog, I am scared of the whole procedure of laying perfectly still while protons are being plunged into my freakin brain but I have to just be a trooper and deal with it.  Well it's the weekend now. Talan has his first soccer practice tomorrow that I am for sure going to ! I am super excited because I love soccer and watching little kids play is so hilarious. I hope everybody has an amazing weekend and I will try to be less stressed.

Friday, January 14, 2011


Hi Blog, I am back.
So let me update you on how things have been lately. I could only describe things are GREAT. simply great. Last weekend Jeremy and myself moved to Dixon, I know I know it's only one town over but I simply cannot live away from my family. I'm very family oriented and that will never change. Anyways, we moved last week and it only took us the weekend to get everything situated and organized and now the place is perfect. I was going crazy for a couple days with no internet or cable, but I kept myself occupied. I've been cooking and cleaning every day/night and I really love it. Anybody can visit whenever they want ! The invite is always out there to come hang out. The phone service sucks if you have at&t though.That's the only thing that drives me crazy. I finally can burn my scentsy's !! My apartment is the best smelling apartment ever ! OK blog,I need to go and do something productive with myself right now, adios !
ok so i had to add that picture because I miss those two terrible right now and they are absolutely perfect <3

Monday, January 3, 2011


I'm going to try my hardest not to ramble during this entry, but no promises that will actually happen. The holidays are over and it was very bitter sweet. My sister, her husband and my 2 nephews came the 23rd from Texas to be with us for the holidays. The house was so crazy and loud but I enjoyed every minute of it !! We hit up candy cane lane christmas eve, ate lots of tamales tortillas chips salsa and beans. Christmas was crazy. Santa loved all 3 of my nephews and my niece. There were so many presents it was unbelievable. I was just so happy to be around my family. My 3 sisters, mom and dad, grandma and papa, my 2 brother in laws, 3 nephews my niece and fiance.Anna's birthday was on xmas and she turned 23. My birthday was the 28th and I turned 25 ! Man. 2010 was such a roller coaster for myself. Things with Jeremy and I were so rocky for a few months then we finally got back on track, got engaged and are so incredibly great. Found out about the tumor got that taken care of and now my health is so much better. I am so thankful for everybody in my life. BTW still no word from Loma Linda so I'm going to not think about it until they call me.  Now I need to focus on February 12, 2011.   I didn't make a new years resolution because I'd probably break it right after i make it. So I'm just going to take whatever is thrown my way and enjoy life. I hope everybody has the best year possible.