Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Contemplating

I wasn't too sure if I should make a blog and write down my feelings and everything I am going through. I started thinking that I don't open up too often about my life. Yes I may tell bits and pieces of things but I never really tell the whole story and often never tell how I truly feel. So I'll start with my engagement. In May for mine and Jeremy's 1 year anniversary he took me to the cheesecake factory in San Francisco.  For some reason he seemed really nervous and I didn't think anything about it.  After our delicious dinner in the mist ( we were outside on the balcony there was music in the park and it was a misty evening) he proceeded to tell me he didn't bring me to there just for our 1 year. He got down on one knee in front of everybody and proceeded to propose. I can't tell you word for word what was said due to me freaking out saying "OMG jeremy are you for real?! omg !!!!" I started to tear up then he put the ring on my finger everyone clapped and I got a look at my ring and it's exactly the one I wanted. It's perfect. The next day we started planning our wedding.. So skip to a few months later I start having bad headaches(this has been a common thing in my life) and I was getting really concerned. I set up a Dr. Appointment and since I have had a surgery in my past (google arnold chiari malformation) she set me up with an MRI. So I get my MRI they find something abnormal about it and set me up with a CT scan. My results come back and my Dr. then proceeds to tell me I have what looks like a tumor. Neurology UCDavis in Sacramento called me to set up my appointment to be seen. By this point I'm freaking out but not too bad because my regular doctor made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. So I meet my Dr. who is simply amazing !! He made me feel so comfortable. But.. I couldn't find out anything because in the package I brought my Dr, the imaging center never put my images in it. So rescheduled that appointment but at least I got to meet my neurologist and he checked out how I was doing. So 2 weeks later I go back with the images on a CD and he checks them out in another room and about 35 minutes later he comes back to tell me that my chiari has gotten worse and in fact I do have a tumor. I felt so stupid I started to cry because I wasn't expecting him to talk about my past surgery which I never talk about. Then to confirm I do have a tumor I couldn't handle all that information at once. So he couldn't exactly tell if my tumor was cancerous or not so again I had to set up another appointment to get another MRI with an IV. So I went back did my MRI met with my DR again and he told me I need to have my tumor(which is almost in my brain) taken out immediately. He still doesn't know if it is cancerous or not but will know during the surgery. There are a lot of risks with this procedure but I thank god it's not as bad as it could be. The tumor is surrounded by bone but it has blood flow so it could grow. He doesn't know how long I have had it but he has made it a point that it is very important that it comes out. The procedure will take about 10-12 hours,yes I said HOURS!! and it's scheduled on Oct 22nd.  Then I also have to think about 6 months from now. After the wedding in February and Disneyland is March I have to undergo ANOTHER surgery. This one will be on the back of my head again. I had the same operation when I was 13. I'll get into that a lot later but basically I'm scared as hell and I can't believe I am juggling all of this. I figured now would be a good time to let people know what exactly is going on with me and how I am feeling instead of people going "oh, I didn't know that" Thank you to the people who actually took the time to read this. Now that I have a blog I will be writing in it often !

2 comments:

  1. Praying for you always! Susan

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  2. Praying for you, my basket of cheese :) you're amazing and strong.
    -Jenna

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